Wired Differently

Questioning the spiritual trend

“Have faith and all will work out, you will see"..."Relinquish control"..."envision it’s already yours"

All seemingly positive words from those not feeling the mental strain that haunts me. The words that I want to cling onto but feel nothing for. Am I not trying hard enough or am I just wired differently?

For every step towards the mass view of spiritual positivity, affirmations, and prayers the more I find a shell of me still clinging on to what “ I should be doing", "how I should conduct myself" in order to reap the rewards and splendors of life.

Those that follow the ways of this mass trend, are they all totally feeling the love of life, or do they sometimes feel like me, questioning a belief that they've adopted? Questioning the meaning of why they are here and the purpose that they bring. I feel torn, am I a true believer, but of what?

I chuckle as I dare test the waters with questions that might leave me with daggered filled eyes and words to shun my individual opinion of the now popular norm.

The "why do I choose to not follow what works?" A question I have been asked all my life on various subjects, but mostly formed into a statement of dictation entangled in blatant ridicule. Words that shut down my unique and inquisitive view; my colorful way to see everything in life as not one way. Not black or white, not good or bad, but simply different.

I laugh alone, at how so many conform to what’s popular, yet I cry because I am the outcast; a woman with a mind not like any other. I don’t want to be alone but my inner self screams whenever I choose to agree with what doesn’t compute for my individual soul, so I have to listen. I have to be the woman that chooses to say no to what gives her angst, not as a way to rebel but because I, the one writing this, do not feel the same as the masses.

Unfortunately for the world I can no longer abide by any rule, so alone I shall stay.