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The Alchemized Self
An Unexpected Disturbia of Discovery
The lyrics of the song Disturbia, sung by Rihanna decided to grace me this morning in the key of introspection. Disturbia derives from the word disturb which, according to Merriam-webster means, to interfere with, to alter the position or arrangement of, to destroy the tranquility or composure of, to throw into disorder, or to put to inconvenience.
Welp, I can’t say the synchronicity of that song, and the definition of disturbed doesn’t highlight the energy surrounding my current situation, however, the lack of panic and sense of calm I’m experiencing is oddly peculiar. Hell, even my daughter is concerned about my poise, which in itself may mean I’ve created a weird trauma and heaviness for her. Yikes! I’m definitely going to have to make a note to revisit that.
Anyway, there’s something off about, well, everything!
I’m not in panic mode, I’m unexpectedly calm, and also curious to see what happens next. What’s even stranger is I resorted to my usual recourse which is venting my frustration to a friend but it simply didn’t feel right. Yes, the situation is warranted for complaint and is very much a cause for alarm but it felt like my throat was on fire like I was wasting energy on something that innately had no power over me.