Gate 10
Destination Limbo
My mind, body, and spirit are tired. I want to give up and lay here until the winds of time remove me from the hardships of this life but my spirit won’t let me. It tells me to “keep trying, not to give up, you’ll make it just try”, but my mind tells me tales of confusion. It tells me to quit, go back to the norm, it’s safer where we were. My body wants to rest, it wants to recuperate from the journey. It slows in pace and aches from the disarray. I view all three from the outside trying to appease them as I watch the hands of time and the funds from my account dwindle. A monetary need to move from one place to the next, to provide food, and a sense of stability.
Desperation sets in and appreciation for the things I took for granted are barely in reach. A shower, hot meal, warm bed with clean sheets, hell a glass of ice sounds amazing right now. I never knew a decision for a fresh start would leave me rendered, would leave me in tears of missing the simplistic things I once never gave a second glance. It shows how much of my life I took for granted, how much I missed in plain sight, how much time I spent in the hustle and bustle, engulfed in social media, lost in mundane worry. Now here I sit with no way to move forward and no way to go back.
I am at the mercy of a choice I believed to be the salvation to my unsatisfied soul but where has that left me? A woman I remain, but what I use to be now purging from my pores and tear ducts. A constant mental battle to stay in control and not lose hope. I laugh at that word hope for that glimmer comes sporadically as specs of dust. Like a tease to keep me engaged in pushing forward.
I wait impatiently now at this questionable bus terminal, gate 10, a numeric representation of things ending, an ending that lingers. One that seems to be what some may label as limbo, a slow and seemingly unmoving period of life.
I sigh at the thought of being stuck or at least the viewable version I am in. I watch those around me move at lightning speed from one gate to the next, scurrying to purchase tickets, juggling luggage like a circus act. Phone rings, text notifications, baby cries, and the clicking of fingers to laptop…oh wait that’s me. Ha, the one thing I have not sold in desperation of money.
I find release in writing what comes to my intuitive brain, the thoughts that I so eagerly want to express but still fear the backlash of what other humans might think. The care I should probably leave at this unsanitary station.
…and the journey continues
*Semi-Fiction; emotions and events based on my life.