Beneath

There was a girl plastered on the screen like any other report at 5pm. They said she killed herself, a blurb about who she was, where she lived, and a family left wondering why and what was the cause.

A picture, probably one taken from a random album just to show she had a smile. Frozen like a mirror's reflection, I could feel the emotions beneath the forced grin.

A smile that was made and not shimmering from the depths of her soul. A smile of pixels only shown to mask the pain buried deep beneath her darkened eyes.

The sadness, loneliness, and disgust she had for herself and the society she knew. They did not know her, nor did they know what weighed beneath that facade of a smile and innocent demeanor; she hid her grey shadow well.

Glimpses of tortuous nights wishing her gloom would come to an end. Staring at pharmaceuticals and contemplating if tonight was the night she would make it her last.

Family too oblivious to see the deep well of shadows consuming her, possibly making assumptions and brushing them off like a phase she would outgrow.

I saw the hurt in her eyes as if they told countless stories of days she tried to express her deepest feelings but was dismissed within seconds of forming a phrase; all leading to shutting down and adding another bolt to her bleak and grim prison.

I watched the family weep in confusion, scrambling to find memories of when this all started and the should of, could of thoughts that may have prevented this tragedy.

A mother screaming for her daughter, a brother hitting his head against a wall, and a father finding comfort in a bottle of liquid gold.

The darkness of depression has now spread leaving those in despair to feel the constant sting of reminders and left with an emptiness that will forever remain an unanswered void.

I watch them one last time whispering a regretful apology as I disappear into the light of my new home beyond the realm that once housed my pain.

*for more information on depression and suicide please visit:

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

https://www.blackgirlssmile.org/resources